Talk about a loaded headline. I need help, I want help, help is needed in so many areas! I've been looking for a job in my industry for more than a year. Since 1995 I've been in the Executive Search Industry, a/k/a Recruiter. Headhunter. Flesh Peddler. Whatever you'd like to call it. I recruit executives out of one company and move them to another company. Call it poaching, call it stealing, all I know is its what I know how to do. And I feel I do it pretty darn well. I have worked mainly within the Life Sciences sector; i.e, Pharmaceutical, Biotechnology, Medical Device, Medical Diagnostic and Healthcare organizations. So, if you still have no idea what I'm talking about -- in easy laymen's terms - I take a Chief Medical Officer from GlaxoSmithKline and move him over to Pfizer. That's the easiest way to describe it, but oh, its so not that easy. But you get the gist. After spending the bulk of my career working for other people at their corporate companies, I was able to land a couple key clients and form my own consulting business. This business was run out of my 2 bedroom ocean view Apartment in Cardiff. For two years I was able to do this and I was able to get a dog, hit a yoga class at noon, meet a friend for lunch at Seaside Market, walk into my office and email someone at 9 pm and able to charge upwards of $70 per hour. Until I wasn't able to do it anymore.
Two years ago when our country decided to have the worst recession since the Great Depression of the 1940s, my line of work had pretty much taken a huge nose dive. So, in order for me to maintain some kind of a job I was lucky enough to land a gig entirely different than anything I would have dreampt of. I became a House Manager for a high end sober living facility in La Costa, CA. Yup. Glorified babysitter, house keeper, sponsor and friend to women in early recovery. Lucy and I found an amazing home in Carlsbad. A home of hope. A home of change. A home of stress. A home of instability. A home of sobriety. A home of relapse. A home of structure and a home of love. Because as much as I used to complain about the girls in the house, I truly feel that house offered so much promise to the women who lived there and I was able to be a part of that. If even for a short time. Becoming reflective these past 5 weeks since I left my post, I truly now realize how important it was for me to have that experience and how grateful I am to my former boss for giving it to me and trusting, loving and supporting me. I also know that I probably won't ever do that job again, but it was a great learning experience. Now I'm living in an almost parallel situation with my Mother. Mom suffers from FTD Dementia; a form of Dementia/Alzheimer's where she has no cognitive thinking or reasoning capabilities. She has no comprehension of certain issues and her repetitive talk and speech seem to fill the air more than her own breath does. So needless to say I find myself doing a lot of the same duties that I had done prior; doing the grocery shopping, shuffling her to appointments, playing games with her, cooking for her and making sure she brushes her teeth on a daily basis. But she's my mom kind of a difference here. Plus, I'm not getting paid to do this. I'd like to say its out of the love and kindness of my heart; but some days I have to question that. A vision from the movie, "Throw Momma from the Train" seems to enter my mind and all I can hear is Kathy Bates screaming, "Owen Owen Owen!". I look over at Lucy and know that as long as she's happy, I'm happy. and Mom too.
With all that being said, I've been trying to get a real job in my field so I'm not home all day care taking. I've been networking my ass off since I got back, and so far, nada. I've had a couple bites for jobs, but nothing where I feel I would be a strong contributor or feel like I'd be able to learn and grow in the role. So, as of today I'm going to look again outside of my comfort zone of being a recruiter and will venture into some other avenues to explore.
Waitressing and Census Taker right now seem to be leading the path for where my next career may take me. I'm going to do some due diligence on both of them tomorrow. I know neither job garners having anything more than a Junior High school education, but shit, why not. What the hell. Maybe, just maybe, I can make enough money to get myself out of debt, fix my car, pay off some loans and bank some extra money for my "where can I live next" fund. That would be ideal. But as usual, not everything always comes off as planned.
We all know that God sure has a funny sense of humor in how things seem to unfold in our lives; hence, I moved here from San Diego and four days later we had the worst two snowstorms in over 14 years in the Philadelphia region. Welcome Home. We've missed you!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Too cold to smoke
I've been smoking cigarettes since I was 14. I'm 42 now, that's 28 years of smoking. About 2 of those years I either wasn't smoking at all or I was a very light smoker. Shit, that is a long ass time to smoke. I mean, for a long time I just didn't care about quitting since I figured that I'd been smoking so long that I was going to get lung cancer, so what was the point? Yanno?
I mean, my great grandfather drank whiskey and smoked Pall Malls til he was like 92 or something and then he died. That's a good long run in my book. When I recently moved back East I realized that it was just too effing cold to smoke! As trite and mundane as that sounds, its the truth. I'd been smoking in San Diego because it was so easy to. In the car with your windows down, sunroof open...that was pretty much how you drove around 12 months out of the year. It was just too easy NOT to smoke. Good tunes, cruising down the PCH, wind blowin in your hair, oh yeah....life was easy breezy baby. And folks around me smoked too, it wasn't like I didn't have any smoking buddies.
During my drive cross country a few weeks ago I smoked. I think I smoked about 1/2 pack per day, if not more, and even when it was chilly outside and I was on an Interstate driving 75 mph. Then I arrived here and moved in with my koo koo Mother and realized I HAD to smoke, but it was just too effing cold!!! The double blizzards came days after my arrival and there I was outside shoveling and huffing and puffing and smoking was the last thing on my mind. Plus, I had no one to smoke with. Its no fun alone. All of that, in addition to, the exercise of gearing up to go outside; zipping up my parka, getting the gloves, scarf, hat, boots and earmuffs was a good five to six minute chore and then rummaging around my purse looking for the lighter and smokes -- whew, it was just too much effort.
Needless to say its been a month for me today without a cigarette and I don't know how much longer that'll last because dealing with my Mom is super stressful. The first 3 minutes of her every morning is bearable and then it starts. The same comments, the same questions, the loud TV show, the talking to herself, the same comments, the same questions, the loud TV show, the talking to herself, the same...you get the gist.
So at this point, its either smoke or drink. Well....shit we know where that first drink takes me. I start out at the nice high end classy bar drinking a $12 glass of Merlot and a few hours later end up down the street in a sleezy dive bar chugging cheap beer and looking for the most obnoxious guy in the bar to hang out with. So,
I think I need to stick with my newest vice...dark chocolate. Stay tuned for my next blog when I discuss joining the local gym to work off the dark chocolate.
I mean, my great grandfather drank whiskey and smoked Pall Malls til he was like 92 or something and then he died. That's a good long run in my book. When I recently moved back East I realized that it was just too effing cold to smoke! As trite and mundane as that sounds, its the truth. I'd been smoking in San Diego because it was so easy to. In the car with your windows down, sunroof open...that was pretty much how you drove around 12 months out of the year. It was just too easy NOT to smoke. Good tunes, cruising down the PCH, wind blowin in your hair, oh yeah....life was easy breezy baby. And folks around me smoked too, it wasn't like I didn't have any smoking buddies.
During my drive cross country a few weeks ago I smoked. I think I smoked about 1/2 pack per day, if not more, and even when it was chilly outside and I was on an Interstate driving 75 mph. Then I arrived here and moved in with my koo koo Mother and realized I HAD to smoke, but it was just too effing cold!!! The double blizzards came days after my arrival and there I was outside shoveling and huffing and puffing and smoking was the last thing on my mind. Plus, I had no one to smoke with. Its no fun alone. All of that, in addition to, the exercise of gearing up to go outside; zipping up my parka, getting the gloves, scarf, hat, boots and earmuffs was a good five to six minute chore and then rummaging around my purse looking for the lighter and smokes -- whew, it was just too much effort.
Needless to say its been a month for me today without a cigarette and I don't know how much longer that'll last because dealing with my Mom is super stressful. The first 3 minutes of her every morning is bearable and then it starts. The same comments, the same questions, the loud TV show, the talking to herself, the same comments, the same questions, the loud TV show, the talking to herself, the same...you get the gist.
So at this point, its either smoke or drink. Well....shit we know where that first drink takes me. I start out at the nice high end classy bar drinking a $12 glass of Merlot and a few hours later end up down the street in a sleezy dive bar chugging cheap beer and looking for the most obnoxious guy in the bar to hang out with. So,
I think I need to stick with my newest vice...dark chocolate. Stay tuned for my next blog when I discuss joining the local gym to work off the dark chocolate.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Nancy Digs Drains
For the sake of not having enough time right now to actually BLOG as I do...I thought I'd share with you my 5 minutes of YouTube fame:
Nancy Digs Drains
If you type that in the YouTube search window you will see me for about 5 seconds interpretating what I think of the Hoover Dam. Its stupid, its short, and its a little funny too...b/c it is just so dumb! Anyways...that's my dish for the day!
Bitchin!!
Nancy Digs Drains
If you type that in the YouTube search window you will see me for about 5 seconds interpretating what I think of the Hoover Dam. Its stupid, its short, and its a little funny too...b/c it is just so dumb! Anyways...that's my dish for the day!
Bitchin!!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
And now for something completely different....
COMPLAINING! Yup...its happened, today is one of those days where all I basically do is complain! And this can be a rather consistent occurrence, depending upon where I am in my menstrual cycle (sorry guys) or how shitty I feel my life is that day. However, to strangers on the street and to most of my family I'm not complaining, I just don't have the energy to explain to them what all the fuss is about. But to those who really know me, and to myself, its all I can do! I hate these days...I end up feeling so disgusted with myself, but I just do it anyway. Its a rare art form that I have almost perfected, except that the damn voice in my head always says to me..."Shut up already..you are a selfish brat and you should be happy with what you have." That is so not fun!
My one silver lining to the day was that I was able to go out to dinner with a friend of mine (Hi Cobb!) that I hadn't seen since I moved back. Even better than seeing her was the fact that I was able to eat fattening restaurant food from the Cheesecake Fattery! One of the better chain restaurants at the mall in my opinion. But of course I didn't have any Cheesecake, because for some insane reason I've decided to give up sugar for Lent! Even more insane is that I stopped practicing Catholicism and Lent about 6 years ago. However, this year, just to torture myself even more, I decided I should partake in the catholic tradition and give something up. Even though it seems I gave up smoking almost 3 weeks ago, again another insane thing to do during all this change and turmoil in my life!
One of the many reasons for my day of complaining was that I found myself, yet again, without a job! I was lucky enough to land a job four days after arriving back in Philly, but as of two days ago, this job has been put on terminal hold until Q3, or whenever they get their heads out of their asses. So, I have to only assume that the other job didn't pan out because the universe has a much better role for me out there. I mean, isn't that how life's supposed to be? At least in my world now. Everything always has a way of working out the way God intended it to or something like that? Right? I dunno...I'm just so OVER looking for a job...the selling myself, the groveling, the "fake" phone voice, the laughing on cue, its all so trite...but I guess this is what we have to do -- especially in this economy! All I can say to anyone that has a REAL job! BE GRATEFUL and THANKFUL! It's effing brutal out there!
So my 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge is turning into my 30 days Bitchram torture! I find myself hanging from a cross each practice with the nail just getting driven in harder and harder. I thought it was supposed to get easier? It actually felt easier yesterday, but today for some reason it felt a zillion times tougher!??!?! WTF? Every day (or almost, I've missed 3 days so far and I think I'm on day 18) I go to the yoga studio and I silently curse myself for being there, b/c I can't stand it. I don't like how it makes me feel -- which is; inadequate, fat, body aching all over, very elementary in my not feeling good enough to be there - and just downright out of place. I feel like everyone there knows exactly what they are doing, are happy doing it, are fit enough to go run the Boston Marathon (that plug is for you Joe!) and all drank from the same Zen Teapot before I got there. Yanno? Just doesn't make sense to me...but for now, I'm still going b/c I signed up for this challenge god damnit...so I'll keep going...until my 30 days is up. But by then I could really be loving it? CHA...I think not...
Moving on to a possibly more exciting topic for me right now and one that I haven't yet started to complain about... MEN. So, I have two potential suitors in the wings...One I'll call Cougar JCrew boy; for more than obvious reasons. Met him online (which is a whole other blog topic in itself) He lives in NYC, and we have spoken once over the phone...it was a decent and pleasant enough conversation, but still a little unsure about him...we shall see....He is supposed to come to Philly next weekend, but again, not 100% on him yet. He actually invited me to come to NYC on Sunday night and said he'd swing for my hotel at the W...normally, I'd say well shit YEAH, but no, responsible me has an interview on Monday morning...sooooo its not gonna happen...
The second boy, I'll call him High School concert boy is someone I know from back in my school days, and I saw him out last weekend in the city at the Jackie Greene show. He and I are going out 'somewhere' on Friday night...no definite plans as of now. We both wanted to go to the Citizen Cope show, but its sold out....So I'm thinking just dinner and a movie...but we'll see what he comes up with. Definite bonus if anyone is every trying to impress me is that the guy PLANS the evening out. I hate it when a dude says, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" Show some initiative....chicks really dig that!!!
My last rant of my evening blog will be my Mother. Dementia is still alive and kicking in her brain. As I sit here reading one of the four self help books on "caring for a loved one with Dementia/Alzheimer's" I can only surmise that there is a reason I'm reading these books, and that reason will show itself to me sooner rather than later. I will be a well-versed and well-informed daughter in gathering as much data as possible in order for me to not want to smash my fist into every TV set in the home that seems to be the Torah of my mother's existence. She is addicted to TV and the Game Show network like Joan Rivers is to plastic surgery. My mother, bless her heart, gets very excited for her evening Game Shows and when I came home tonight and tried to talk to her, she was only able to speak with me during the commercial break of Family Feud....
I stood there and glanced at the TV envisioning Richard Dawson saying to me;
"Name something that you are actually grateful for today?"
"Survey says.... Thank goodness for Blogs!"
My one silver lining to the day was that I was able to go out to dinner with a friend of mine (Hi Cobb!) that I hadn't seen since I moved back. Even better than seeing her was the fact that I was able to eat fattening restaurant food from the Cheesecake Fattery! One of the better chain restaurants at the mall in my opinion. But of course I didn't have any Cheesecake, because for some insane reason I've decided to give up sugar for Lent! Even more insane is that I stopped practicing Catholicism and Lent about 6 years ago. However, this year, just to torture myself even more, I decided I should partake in the catholic tradition and give something up. Even though it seems I gave up smoking almost 3 weeks ago, again another insane thing to do during all this change and turmoil in my life!
One of the many reasons for my day of complaining was that I found myself, yet again, without a job! I was lucky enough to land a job four days after arriving back in Philly, but as of two days ago, this job has been put on terminal hold until Q3, or whenever they get their heads out of their asses. So, I have to only assume that the other job didn't pan out because the universe has a much better role for me out there. I mean, isn't that how life's supposed to be? At least in my world now. Everything always has a way of working out the way God intended it to or something like that? Right? I dunno...I'm just so OVER looking for a job...the selling myself, the groveling, the "fake" phone voice, the laughing on cue, its all so trite...but I guess this is what we have to do -- especially in this economy! All I can say to anyone that has a REAL job! BE GRATEFUL and THANKFUL! It's effing brutal out there!
So my 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge is turning into my 30 days Bitchram torture! I find myself hanging from a cross each practice with the nail just getting driven in harder and harder. I thought it was supposed to get easier? It actually felt easier yesterday, but today for some reason it felt a zillion times tougher!??!?! WTF? Every day (or almost, I've missed 3 days so far and I think I'm on day 18) I go to the yoga studio and I silently curse myself for being there, b/c I can't stand it. I don't like how it makes me feel -- which is; inadequate, fat, body aching all over, very elementary in my not feeling good enough to be there - and just downright out of place. I feel like everyone there knows exactly what they are doing, are happy doing it, are fit enough to go run the Boston Marathon (that plug is for you Joe!) and all drank from the same Zen Teapot before I got there. Yanno? Just doesn't make sense to me...but for now, I'm still going b/c I signed up for this challenge god damnit...so I'll keep going...until my 30 days is up. But by then I could really be loving it? CHA...I think not...
Moving on to a possibly more exciting topic for me right now and one that I haven't yet started to complain about... MEN. So, I have two potential suitors in the wings...One I'll call Cougar JCrew boy; for more than obvious reasons. Met him online (which is a whole other blog topic in itself) He lives in NYC, and we have spoken once over the phone...it was a decent and pleasant enough conversation, but still a little unsure about him...we shall see....He is supposed to come to Philly next weekend, but again, not 100% on him yet. He actually invited me to come to NYC on Sunday night and said he'd swing for my hotel at the W...normally, I'd say well shit YEAH, but no, responsible me has an interview on Monday morning...sooooo its not gonna happen...
The second boy, I'll call him High School concert boy is someone I know from back in my school days, and I saw him out last weekend in the city at the Jackie Greene show. He and I are going out 'somewhere' on Friday night...no definite plans as of now. We both wanted to go to the Citizen Cope show, but its sold out....So I'm thinking just dinner and a movie...but we'll see what he comes up with. Definite bonus if anyone is every trying to impress me is that the guy PLANS the evening out. I hate it when a dude says, "I dunno, what do you wanna do?" Show some initiative....chicks really dig that!!!
My last rant of my evening blog will be my Mother. Dementia is still alive and kicking in her brain. As I sit here reading one of the four self help books on "caring for a loved one with Dementia/Alzheimer's" I can only surmise that there is a reason I'm reading these books, and that reason will show itself to me sooner rather than later. I will be a well-versed and well-informed daughter in gathering as much data as possible in order for me to not want to smash my fist into every TV set in the home that seems to be the Torah of my mother's existence. She is addicted to TV and the Game Show network like Joan Rivers is to plastic surgery. My mother, bless her heart, gets very excited for her evening Game Shows and when I came home tonight and tried to talk to her, she was only able to speak with me during the commercial break of Family Feud....
I stood there and glanced at the TV envisioning Richard Dawson saying to me;
"Name something that you are actually grateful for today?"
"Survey says.... Thank goodness for Blogs!"
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Running with the Dogs
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Running with the dogs in 2007
I started running a few years ago. I decided since I lived near the Pacific Ocean , I should embrace my backyard and get out and run like every other human being within a ten mile radius. I felt like an outsider since I didn’t run, bike or surf. Running was the easiest exercise to pick up. Pick up …. and run. I remembered years ago I used to run one mile a day thinking I was doing something wonderful for myself and my health. My only exercise then was bending my elbow to my mouth. Hungover and barely able to breathe, I would run four laps around my junior high school track in an effort to look like I was physically fit and not wanting to hurl. Now being able to face all my physical challenges with a body toxin free, I decided not to run away from myself anymore and actually put sneaker to the pavement, or sand, and hit the ground running.
I started on my newfound physical venture by walking swiftly two blocks from my apartment heading south onto the PCH towards Swami’s beach. I high kicked my thighs and calves into running mode. I ran with my posture straight and true to form -- heel to toe – heel to toe - as this was how my friend and colleague told me how to run. She was an avid runner who ran fifteen miles per day, weighed 113 pounds and had legs that looked like ceramic molded pillars that balanced a four story condominium complex.
I took special care in my exterior fashion to resemble a bonafide southern California San Diego mara thon. Wearing semi-invisible sunglasses along with standard white headphones that wrapped over my ears cradling an i-Pod, I continued on my healthy quest to blend into the landscape of real runners along the California Cardiff
Smearing sweat from my forehead and neckline, I felt light headed. At mile marker three I had slowed to a ventilator pace and gingerly focused on the path ahead of me, while trying not to faint and fall into the oncoming Harley Davidson traffic.
With my breathing restrained, I slowed down my pace and was relieved to see my apartment complex in the distance. As I fiddled with i-Pod and maintained my snail like stride, a woman on my left sprinted past me with effortless stride while pushing her baby stroller, flanked by her yellow Lab, and talking on her cell phone.
Is there no justice for anyone wanting to run and look good doing it? Apparently not.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Scrabble Day
So here I sit, snowed in -- yet again within a 3 day period! I think the Delaware Valley (the region where I, gulp dare say it, reside) has received almost 3 feet of snow! Thats a alotta effing snow I tell ya. The one joy I do get to see is my Lucy traipsing through the snow and pooping in it -- its kinda cute, yeah, I know, I am obsessed with my dog. Moving on.
I'm not going to blog about the 2nd largest blizzard to hit the Delaware Valley in eons, so don't worry there. I wanted to share with you my games of Scrabble and such with my Mother, who is ailing with mid-stage Dementia. Yes, its sad, and yes, its lame that I'm going to blog about it, but yes, its the reality of my life right now. Most of you know, if you know me, that I moved back to the Philly region three weeks ago and left behind a pretty sweet life in sunny San Diego, Carlsbad region. (I feel I need to say region apparently after each neighborhood I type about) I came back to move in with my Mom
and to also find a career job. I found the job (we hope) and start next week - so that was nice and quick, I can't complain there. But oh how I can complain about being 42 and moving IN with my mother! I lived with my Mom six years ago for a few months and all I remember is that I drank a lot of her wine and treated her poorly. Hence, now I've been given the opportunity to treat her with more respect and dignity than I have in years past. Living amends if you will. But, still, who'd thunk that life would plop me back here like this? I certainly didn't, but God works in mysterious ways.One of my Mother's main obsessions right now, and most likely forever, is game shows. She watches the Game Show network most of her day and between Lingo, Family Feud, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and 21, I don't know how anyone could watch soo many effing game shows and be content doing so. Hence, the Dementia. Back in the day, which by the way was a Tuesday (thanks Dane Cook), my Mother went on Game Shows as a contestant. She was on 3 game shows in the 1970s; the original Jeopardy, Concentration and Split Second. If you don't know the last two, google them, because they were pretty darn cool. Mom won a car, a boat, a piano, trips and a bunch of money -- so yeah, you can see why she is a tad obsessed with the GSN. And to even add a fun fact to the family tree on this obsession, my older brother, Eddie, was a finalist on Who Wants to be a Millionaire with Regis. Sadly, he lost to the $16,000 question. Ironically, his question was "How long did Prohibition last?" He used two life lines and still lost. The answer was 13 years and the reason its ironic to me is that I don't drink anymore and I just find it kinda funny.
So I digressed on yammering away about the GSN -- back to the Scrabble Day title of my blog; Mom likes to play Scrabble. To amuse myself and to kill some time while we are snowed in I indulge her and agree to play Scrabble. I've been playing Scrabble with my Mom for years, its a Mom activity to do. And she has ALWAYS kicked my ass Now, as I sit snowed in and winded from shoveling the driveway for the 4th time, I'm ready to play Scrabble with Mom when she asks. I figure she can't be that good now, her keen sense of know how has to have waned a tad in the last few months. I found myself using some big 3 and 4 letter words; ie, cute, rain, zit, nag, and of course I added "s" at the end of any noun that I could. To my own defense though I was multi taksing, IM'g, watching TV, texting, ya know the drill. But Mom was able to use her Z, Q and J letters without a care in the world. Without giving you any of the gory details the final result of our game...Mom = 260, Nan = 159. Yup, Mom's got Dementia! WTF? I don't mind though, it makes her happy; which does make me happy. For the time being that is.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Snow Day
I slept in today. Is 8:55 am sleeping in anymore? I think it is for those over the age of 40; but what do I know, I rarely sleep in anymore. As I woke from my long slumber I knew the ground would be covered in snow as the storm rapidly progressed during the wee hours. As I looked out the window, I could barely see the road from the white covered blankets that lay in the landscape below me. It had snowed over a foot at this point and at least another 5 inches would fall before the snowstorm would finally end mid-day.
One of my morning rituals, besides brewing a pot of coffee, was feeding Lucy and then taking her out for her morning walk. Usually we had been walking across the main road to my Junior High School sports field so I could let her run off leash, but I knew I'd be lucky if I was able to get out of the front door without being covered mid thigh in snow. As I walked out into the front patio, with Lucy following hesitantly behind me, the cold air felt hard and dense. Lucy, who'd only been in 2 inches of snow prior to this storm, seemed a little hesitant in her step as she wasn't sure what to make of all the fluffiness surrounding her. She's a wuss when it comes to anything being cold and wet. She's a California doggie, what does she know? Looking around at the trees I knew this was, for a brief moment, a picturesque moment. Savoring the sight, I also knew it would soon be a faint memory as the snowfall would end and the elements of the wind and sun would turn the winter wonderland into a burdened chore for most.
Lucy soon started frolicking into the street and over to the neighbors driveway. It was qui
te early and none of our neighbors had ventured out of their homes yet; Lucy had a vast playground to cover. As she romped in and out of the knee high powder, trying to ground her paws for traction, only to fall into a cushion of soft pillows and onto the ground yet again. Bringing smiles to my cold mouth I watched her take pleasure in the wet landscape. Lucy was enjoying her morning walk more than I could have hoped for; my day was complete. As corny as it may sound, Lucy's happiness is one of my utmost pleasures. If you don't own a dog, get one, its unconditional love and gratification. I can't wait to get her a sibling pooch to play with and it can't happen soon enough in my world. As our morning romp came to an end, I was ready to get out of the harsh cold and couldn't wait to get inside to grab that warm cup of java.My day continued into a flurry of phone calls, emails, IM chats, two scrabble games with my mom, three more walks with Lucy, the cooking of lunch and dinner, and even an afternoon outing to a meeting. I was even lucky enough to be involved in a twelve step call; which for any of you who aren't familiar with this type of a call, I shall explain.
A close friend of the family called me because his son had hit his bottom and he needed to know what to do. He put me on speaker so he and his wife could speak to me together to give me the back story. Listening to them I realized how grateful I was that it wasn't me who had hit bottom. I was so happy to be sober and healthy. What a 360 from six years ago! Here, I was able to assist them and listen to them describe how bad his alcoholism was and how his life had unraveled rapidly during the past few weeks. They asked me a number of pertinent questions and I was readily available to assist them as to what their next steps should be. It was a good feeling to be of service and to know that my 5+ years of sobriety had offered me the gift of being able to share my experience, strength and hope. That's a twelve step call; helping someone who needs it. Yes, it was a good day indeed.
But now at 11:25 pm, as I turn in for the night and can hear the wind howling outside my window with the snow drifts rising, I can only hope that it's the last snow day I'll have for 2010. Oh how I miss the hush of the ocean as I drive onto the PCH. Long gone are my days of sunny skies and warm nights.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
This is Effing Yoga man!
Today was Day 6 of my 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge, and boy oh boy, what a practice I had tonight. Up until 10 days ago, I was used to Yoga Tropics; a very zen like meditative yoga that I had been practicing for over two years back home in Encinitas, CA. Fast forward a couple weeks where I have now moved to Valley Forge, PA and the closest hot yoga I can find is Bikram. The "original" hot yoga practice of 26 poses for 90 minutes in a 105 degree heated studio. The great thing about the Yoga Tropics practice was that it was 60 minutes of Hatha inspired yoga where the main emphasis was on becoming zen and following your "own" flow. There were no rules. You could practice at your own pace. Everyone was happy and levitating on a daily basis; there was no pretense to this yoga practice as the warmth and love of the instructors oozed out of your pores when you left a practice. Think hippy trippy SoCal free love yoga....insert your own image here.
Now, if you know anything about Bikram yoga, you know that you HAVE to do their 26 pose practice THEIR way or you will get chastised for not following the "Bikram" way. Think of Nazi yoga being taught by fomer Marines. Hoorah! I used to think that was a bunch of phooey; well now I've had to eat my words and your words too at this point....
So, needless to say I felt a little forced to join the 30 day Bikram challenge at my local studio because it was the only hot yoga I could find within a 30 mile radius and since it cost less for me to do the 30 day challenge, than it did for me to purchase a 10 class plan, I figured, what the hell, do it for 30 days. Well, 6 days in and the end of February can't get here soon enough! When I started the challenge last week, I was pleasantly surprised that my first class felt good, and i felt hopeful and even at my second class I still felt good and I liked the instructor well enough. Even though she kept referring to me as "speedy Caruso" since I would move into the next pose quicker than the other yogi's in class. My subsequent classes were with different female instructors, all being cordial, but more militant in their style. There is no meditation music played, no dimmed lights, no candles burning, just yogini's practicing mat to mat sweating it out in a well lit stinky carpeted studio. The zen has left the building.
As I entered into the Yoga studio this evening for the 6:30 class, I noticed a muscular, bald headed man in his late 30's sitting at the front table. He had scattered tattoo's along his calf's and his arms and his strong East Coast accent was evident in his speech as he spoke to a fellow yogini. His name was Leo and he was going to be my instructor this evening. I was actually excited, since I hadn't seen a male instructor at this studio since I started and it would be a nice change up. CHA! Was I in for a practice I'd never forget.
Let me just start by saying that Leo cussed during his practice; the F word alone was used 9 times, Shit and Bitch were said three times, Ass twice and the expression "Suck it up" was heard more than a half dozen times. Along with his heavy accent, Leo would end most of his yoga commands with "You know what I'm saying?" At first I was dumbfounded and shocked to hear this kind of talk during a yoga practice. I seriously was wondering if there was a hidden camera somewhere because it felt like Tony Soprano was going to walk in and whack somebody with his downward facing dog pose. Some of the students would laugh at Leo's barked commands, while others looked petrified in their poses hoping that he wouldn't point out their flawed postures.
Of course, since I was the "new girl" my postures were being mocked and pointed out as what not to do in a pose. I felt completely mortified and beat down by Leo the Lion. Midway through the practice he finally stopped calling me the "new girl" and said, "Honey, what's ya name?" Quivering and trying to hold a balancing pose, I replied. Minutes later as we moved into a different pose, Leo the Lion shouted over to me, "OK, Nance, you've got a gorgeous and beautiful spine, lets just try and get your shoulders up and pull back on your heels and touch your forehead to the floor, pull, pull, pull...c'mon try harder and pull more with your chicken arms Nance, C'mon do it the right way." OMG was all I could think in my head, while my body wanted to dart out of the studio quicker than you could say Namaste. After another few poses of Leo the Lion pointing out my errors, he squatted down next to me and said, "You show really good form and you are very limber. If you took more of my classes you'd increase your yoga postures immensely. You'd be a great student for me to teach. I'll get you in top yoga form within a couple of weeks." With that, he turned and walked away. As I stood up with sweat dripping down my face and blood rushing back to my head, I have to say I felt a little bit better.
My thoughts about Leo the Lion soon morphed into Leo the dude who could help me get my poses in top form. Hmmm....could this be my yoga guru that I'd been searching for? I knew some of my poses were incorrect, but I never had the balls to ask an instructor for fear of looking bad in class. But at this yoga studio I didn't care what anyone thought of me since I was the "new gal" and I didn't know anyone in the classes anyhow. This was perfect for me, exactly what I needed. Upon exiting the class, Leo stopped me in the hallway, "Hey Nance, you did good in there. You should think of taking some personal classes. You're a natural, you just need to suck it up a bit, ya know what I'm saying?" I was hooked, if you complement and flatter me enough, you'll win me over. I'm pretty easy that way. I soon realized that Leo the Lion could be a godsend to me in some sort of demented and unorthodox manner, his yoga style could actually make me a more zen like person in the long run.
As soon as I got home, I went to the Yoga studio website and jotted down all the classes that Leo would be teaching over the next few days and inked them onto my calendar. I'm not going to let this Bada Bing Yoga opportunity pass me by. Namaste.
Now, if you know anything about Bikram yoga, you know that you HAVE to do their 26 pose practice THEIR way or you will get chastised for not following the "Bikram" way. Think of Nazi yoga being taught by fomer Marines. Hoorah! I used to think that was a bunch of phooey; well now I've had to eat my words and your words too at this point....
So, needless to say I felt a little forced to join the 30 day Bikram challenge at my local studio because it was the only hot yoga I could find within a 30 mile radius and since it cost less for me to do the 30 day challenge, than it did for me to purchase a 10 class plan, I figured, what the hell, do it for 30 days. Well, 6 days in and the end of February can't get here soon enough! When I started the challenge last week, I was pleasantly surprised that my first class felt good, and i felt hopeful and even at my second class I still felt good and I liked the instructor well enough. Even though she kept referring to me as "speedy Caruso" since I would move into the next pose quicker than the other yogi's in class. My subsequent classes were with different female instructors, all being cordial, but more militant in their style. There is no meditation music played, no dimmed lights, no candles burning, just yogini's practicing mat to mat sweating it out in a well lit stinky carpeted studio. The zen has left the building.
As I entered into the Yoga studio this evening for the 6:30 class, I noticed a muscular, bald headed man in his late 30's sitting at the front table. He had scattered tattoo's along his calf's and his arms and his strong East Coast accent was evident in his speech as he spoke to a fellow yogini. His name was Leo and he was going to be my instructor this evening. I was actually excited, since I hadn't seen a male instructor at this studio since I started and it would be a nice change up. CHA! Was I in for a practice I'd never forget.
Let me just start by saying that Leo cussed during his practice; the F word alone was used 9 times, Shit and Bitch were said three times, Ass twice and the expression "Suck it up" was heard more than a half dozen times. Along with his heavy accent, Leo would end most of his yoga commands with "You know what I'm saying?" At first I was dumbfounded and shocked to hear this kind of talk during a yoga practice. I seriously was wondering if there was a hidden camera somewhere because it felt like Tony Soprano was going to walk in and whack somebody with his downward facing dog pose. Some of the students would laugh at Leo's barked commands, while others looked petrified in their poses hoping that he wouldn't point out their flawed postures.
Of course, since I was the "new girl" my postures were being mocked and pointed out as what not to do in a pose. I felt completely mortified and beat down by Leo the Lion. Midway through the practice he finally stopped calling me the "new girl" and said, "Honey, what's ya name?" Quivering and trying to hold a balancing pose, I replied. Minutes later as we moved into a different pose, Leo the Lion shouted over to me, "OK, Nance, you've got a gorgeous and beautiful spine, lets just try and get your shoulders up and pull back on your heels and touch your forehead to the floor, pull, pull, pull...c'mon try harder and pull more with your chicken arms Nance, C'mon do it the right way." OMG was all I could think in my head, while my body wanted to dart out of the studio quicker than you could say Namaste. After another few poses of Leo the Lion pointing out my errors, he squatted down next to me and said, "You show really good form and you are very limber. If you took more of my classes you'd increase your yoga postures immensely. You'd be a great student for me to teach. I'll get you in top yoga form within a couple of weeks." With that, he turned and walked away. As I stood up with sweat dripping down my face and blood rushing back to my head, I have to say I felt a little bit better.
My thoughts about Leo the Lion soon morphed into Leo the dude who could help me get my poses in top form. Hmmm....could this be my yoga guru that I'd been searching for? I knew some of my poses were incorrect, but I never had the balls to ask an instructor for fear of looking bad in class. But at this yoga studio I didn't care what anyone thought of me since I was the "new gal" and I didn't know anyone in the classes anyhow. This was perfect for me, exactly what I needed. Upon exiting the class, Leo stopped me in the hallway, "Hey Nance, you did good in there. You should think of taking some personal classes. You're a natural, you just need to suck it up a bit, ya know what I'm saying?" I was hooked, if you complement and flatter me enough, you'll win me over. I'm pretty easy that way. I soon realized that Leo the Lion could be a godsend to me in some sort of demented and unorthodox manner, his yoga style could actually make me a more zen like person in the long run.
As soon as I got home, I went to the Yoga studio website and jotted down all the classes that Leo would be teaching over the next few days and inked them onto my calendar. I'm not going to let this Bada Bing Yoga opportunity pass me by. Namaste.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Bikram or Mary?
So, as I was contemplating on what to blog about tonight, my thought was that I would bitch and moan about my 3o day Bikram Yoga challenge. My friend Joe gave me permission to do so and I was all guns fired to start banging away on my keyboard.
BUT, as I started reflecting about my day I realized that maybe I should blog about my Mom. I mean, she is the main reason I moved back to the East Coast and she has been the center of each and every day since I've come back, and we had a bit of an exciting day. Well, not sure she thought it was that exciting, but it definitely was one of those days where I wanted to go shoot a pistol at a bullsye target or go down a bottle of Absolut. I did neither and went to Bikram class. Again, that'll have to be another day's blog.
Back to ma mere. Mary is her name and as I've said she was diagnosed with Dementia about 18 months ago. It's progressive and in the past few months has gotten even moreso. I feel like Tom Cruise in Rain Man, however, I don't drive a slick car or have the hot Italian significant other. Mary's habits resemble those of Rain Man as her daily routine of what she watches, wears, eats and speaks has to be consistent. "Jeopardy is on at 7 and then I have to watch Wheel of Fortune at 7:30". Okay Mom, dinner will be done by then, no problem.
Our day started with our normal morning of the Today Show, (Matt Lauer is my dream date) coffee and breakfast. This was followed by a visit to her Orthopedic Doctor in Paoli. Mary had been complaining of back and shoulder pain for the past couple of months, and without getting too technical about all of the X-rays that they took, the Doctor gave us the diagnosis that she had arthritis. I never knew that arthritis could be THAT painful? Who knew. Great, another thing to get excited about in the "getting older and turning into my mother" category.
As we entered into the Dr.'s office I could see the Receptionist rolling her eyes as she glanced at my Mom. Apparently Mary had been calling .... and calling..... and calling the Dr's office most of the week to complain about her shoulder, needless to say this is why we had this appointment.
As I approached the Receptionist, I shared with her who I was and that I hoped my Mom wasn't causing too much trouble with her incessant telephoning. "Oh, its okay, we all know who your mother is" and she wasn't very nice when she said it, as she sounded more irritated and not at all empathic towards the Dementia'd patient sitting in the waiting room. While we were ushered into the 2nd waiting area, I asked if I could speak to the Doctor privately before he met with us. The receptionist obliged and soon enough, Dr. Raab called me into his office. Now, if I knew that Dr. Raab would be young, attractive and willing to speak with me alone, I would have been in a snazzier morning outfit than my plain yoga clothes and fresh scrubbed face. Albeit, he was married, it still doesn't hurt to always look your best. What if he was single? But yeah, he wasn't, so no harm no foul. Moving ahead, I shared with him how Mom was doing and if he could help us in our plight to try and drill into her brain that she cannot drive. Everyone east of the Mississsippi has been telling Mary that she CANNOT drive. She has become an aggressive driver in her progressed condition and seriously should not be on the road. Howver, she refuses to believe anyone! We, my siblings and I, had to resort to disconnecting her battery. Needless to say, she's tried to drive after she found her spare keys! "Hmm...my car doesn't seem to start. Maybe I should try to call Triple A?" OY!
Dr. Raab was courteous and helpful to my mother as he tried to explain to her that her shoulder isn't mobile enough to be driving; she still didn't get it. Needless to say, he gave her a cortisone shot, a scrip for a muscle relaxer and scheduled a follow up appointmentfor her in a month to observe her arthritis progression. I think I'll have to make myself available to join her. Dr. Raab could be separated by then; you never know!
After our appointment, we had made another appointment to take Mary to the Wayne Senior Center. A social club in Wayne for people that are retired and looking for something to do. I had taken Mary a day earlier to get a tour of the club and she seemed receptive to being a member and taking part in their daily activities, i.e, movie and pizza day, sing alongs at the piano, board game afternoon, fit over 50 exercise group, AARP membership drive and of course, Pinochle. It actually sounded like a place I'd like to go and chill. I mean really, whats not to like about board games, pizza and Pinochle? I took Mom over to the club where we were met by some nice older volunteers who made us feel welcome. After I got Mom situated at the club and she seemed eager to be there, I made a beeline for the door, got in my car and sped off to Yoga. 90 minutes of Nazism yoga in a balmy 105 heated room, I was salivating at the thought of it. Upon leaving Yoga and getting into my car, my cell phone said that I had 5 voicemails! UGH! I hate that. In ck'g the messages, 2 were from my Mom asking me to come pick her up at the Senior Center. Jeez-us, had she not been playing nice in the sandbox with the elder group? Was she kicked out? Did she annoy the hell out of everyone there already? Was she asking "Who's on First?"
As I got ready to call her back, the phone rang, it was her! Shocker. She asked if I could come get her, and I obliged. I showed up at the Senior Center 1o minutes later only to find her entreneched in a card game with 3 other participants. The Assistant Director of the Center told me to go run some errands and come back in an hour. With my precious hour of downtime I ran home, took a quick hot shower, and threw some food down my throat. Sure enough, 60 minutes later, Mom called and wondered where I was. I told her I was on my way and to sit tight. Driving over there I tried to get back to my Zen place and realized that I was spent. The last 10 days with Mom had drained me and I needed a break. I called my sister whom I vented to, lit a cigarrette and then blasted one of my favorite Jackie Greene songs. While speeding along to pick up my ailing, aging, memory and behavior impaired mother I knew that I had to get into a place of love and tolerance for her. As I pulled up to the center, she was sitting outside waiting and smiling. She got in the car and asked where I was and did I get her voicemails? "Yeah, Mom I got them, but I had to run home and shower first. You're okay. Its all good, we're going home now."
She looked out the window, "Oh good, I think Family Feud is on at 4."
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wawa joy
I have to say that one of my greatest joys in moving back to Valley Forge has been the Wawa experience. I forgot how much I just loved going to Wawa on a daily basis. I know there are scores of other folks in the Tri-state region that also feel the same way about the amazing convenience and gas mini-market, which has morphed into a mega plex of sundries.
When I was in High School, approximately 25 yrs ago, Wawa was not what it is today. It was a bare bones mini-market, with barely a snack counter and milk cooler. My what a difference a great marketing department and consumer demand can have on a flailing convenience chaing.
Today the Wawa empire has given way to one of the best consumer excursions there is. Upon entering the Wawa, you are flanked by a half dozen coffee, tea, latte, slurpee, fountain soda and energy beverage choices. Their coffee station alone should be bronzed; offering a wide and varied selection of coffee's, creamers, sweeteners, syrups and 5 different cup sizes! I cannot imagine going anywhere else for a cup of joe in the morning. Starbucks is so last week.
In the back of the store is the Deli. This isn't your normal Deli that you would find at your grocery store whre you pick a number and figure out how much macaroni salad and turkey breast you need. This wonder Deli has several touch screen displays where you place your food order according to your liking and specification. Whether it be a breakfast sandwich, a shorti hoagie, a cup of their homemade chili, a dinner entree - Wawa Deli is the bomb. That simple.
Each region of the country has its Wawa. I just spent ten years in Southern California, and out there In & Out Burger was what one would consider a Wawa experience. Along with Pinks Hotdogs in LA, Fish Taco's at the Brig in Del Mar and Hodad's burgers in Ocean Beach, Wawa is a definite stand alone.
So as I drift off to sleep, during yet another snow fall, I can only dream about my excitement in the morning as I head out the door, run down the street and grab my perfect cup of ioe, a butterscotch krimpet (Tastykake treat) and maybe even a Philly soft pretzel; heck why else does one go to a gym? Life doesn't get any better (well, it does, but for right now I'll say its okay).
Thank you Delaware Valley for reminding me what a great joy it is to be back in the land of Wawa!!!!!
When I was in High School, approximately 25 yrs ago, Wawa was not what it is today. It was a bare bones mini-market, with barely a snack counter and milk cooler. My what a difference a great marketing department and consumer demand can have on a flailing convenience chaing.
Today the Wawa empire has given way to one of the best consumer excursions there is. Upon entering the Wawa, you are flanked by a half dozen coffee, tea, latte, slurpee, fountain soda and energy beverage choices. Their coffee station alone should be bronzed; offering a wide and varied selection of coffee's, creamers, sweeteners, syrups and 5 different cup sizes! I cannot imagine going anywhere else for a cup of joe in the morning. Starbucks is so last week.
In the back of the store is the Deli. This isn't your normal Deli that you would find at your grocery store whre you pick a number and figure out how much macaroni salad and turkey breast you need. This wonder Deli has several touch screen displays where you place your food order according to your liking and specification. Whether it be a breakfast sandwich, a shorti hoagie, a cup of their homemade chili, a dinner entree - Wawa Deli is the bomb. That simple.
Each region of the country has its Wawa. I just spent ten years in Southern California, and out there In & Out Burger was what one would consider a Wawa experience. Along with Pinks Hotdogs in LA, Fish Taco's at the Brig in Del Mar and Hodad's burgers in Ocean Beach, Wawa is a definite stand alone.
So as I drift off to sleep, during yet another snow fall, I can only dream about my excitement in the morning as I head out the door, run down the street and grab my perfect cup of ioe, a butterscotch krimpet (Tastykake treat) and maybe even a Philly soft pretzel; heck why else does one go to a gym? Life doesn't get any better (well, it does, but for right now I'll say its okay).
Thank you Delaware Valley for reminding me what a great joy it is to be back in the land of Wawa!!!!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Day One of my news and nonsense
Feb 1, 2010
For those of you who know me you would probably wonder why its taken me sooo long to get a blog? My easy answer to that...time.
I was told years ago, after I wrote my first book (which is still unpublished and looking for representation or a publishing house to pick it up...hint, hint) that I needed to start a blog. I looked into it, started one, and then forgot I started one because I had a rather full life going on at the time...hence, NO time. My life was much richer and fuller back then. Now my life has lent itself for me having much more time on my hands. Or for now at least it has...check in next week and we'll see if that still rings true.
After my ten year hiatus in San Diego, I've since returned back East, to my original stomping grounds. Only to find that I'm not doing much stomping anymore. Within days upon my return, I was able to secure a job and join the local Bikram studio, where I signed up for a 30 day challenge. The challenge is that I am to attend a Bikram practice once a day for 30 days. Going to one Bikram class per day is tough enough. 90 minutes of pretzel twist poses, back bend arches and lying in shivasina (sp?) all within a well heated mercury rising studio of 106 degrees is enough challenge for any human to accomplish; let alone for 3o consecutive days. I think I'm certifiably crazy, or just bored. Bored is hopefully the right answer until the new job starts next week.
After my first day at Corporate Center Parkway working in my field as a life sciences recruiter, I'm sure the challenge will be whether or not I'm planing on joining my fellow Yogini's at the Sweat Bath studio or deciding if I should run home to walk my dog and make dinner for my ailing mother and myself. Let's just hope that, for me, the dog and my mother's sake, I keep my word and continue on my 30 day quest of internal cleansing and detoxification. Cooking and caring for others has not been a priority for me in my former life. In San Diego, it was normally just me for a long time, and then Lucy, my canine, came along and even once in a while I would entertain a male suitor. But, when all was said and done it at the end it was just me and Lucy. And I was perfectly fine with that...for a while, until real life intervened.
I moved back East to help care for my ailing Mother, who was diagnosed with FTD Dementia over a year ago. Much to our dismay, the disease has progressed quicker than me, and my siblings, would have liked. Needless to say moving in with my Mother is not where I would have seen myself a year, or even 5 months ago. I was living in paradise in San Diego. Sun drenched days, scattered with mild to warm temperatures year round, beautiful ocean views everywhere you looked and a community of friends that one could only be so lucky to have; yeah life was easy breezy covergirl living for me.
For those of you who know me you would probably wonder why its taken me sooo long to get a blog? My easy answer to that...time.
I was told years ago, after I wrote my first book (which is still unpublished and looking for representation or a publishing house to pick it up...hint, hint) that I needed to start a blog. I looked into it, started one, and then forgot I started one because I had a rather full life going on at the time...hence, NO time. My life was much richer and fuller back then. Now my life has lent itself for me having much more time on my hands. Or for now at least it has...check in next week and we'll see if that still rings true.
After my ten year hiatus in San Diego, I've since returned back East, to my original stomping grounds. Only to find that I'm not doing much stomping anymore. Within days upon my return, I was able to secure a job and join the local Bikram studio, where I signed up for a 30 day challenge. The challenge is that I am to attend a Bikram practice once a day for 30 days. Going to one Bikram class per day is tough enough. 90 minutes of pretzel twist poses, back bend arches and lying in shivasina (sp?) all within a well heated mercury rising studio of 106 degrees is enough challenge for any human to accomplish; let alone for 3o consecutive days. I think I'm certifiably crazy, or just bored. Bored is hopefully the right answer until the new job starts next week.
After my first day at Corporate Center Parkway working in my field as a life sciences recruiter, I'm sure the challenge will be whether or not I'm planing on joining my fellow Yogini's at the Sweat Bath studio or deciding if I should run home to walk my dog and make dinner for my ailing mother and myself. Let's just hope that, for me, the dog and my mother's sake, I keep my word and continue on my 30 day quest of internal cleansing and detoxification. Cooking and caring for others has not been a priority for me in my former life. In San Diego, it was normally just me for a long time, and then Lucy, my canine, came along and even once in a while I would entertain a male suitor. But, when all was said and done it at the end it was just me and Lucy. And I was perfectly fine with that...for a while, until real life intervened.
I moved back East to help care for my ailing Mother, who was diagnosed with FTD Dementia over a year ago. Much to our dismay, the disease has progressed quicker than me, and my siblings, would have liked. Needless to say moving in with my Mother is not where I would have seen myself a year, or even 5 months ago. I was living in paradise in San Diego. Sun drenched days, scattered with mild to warm temperatures year round, beautiful ocean views everywhere you looked and a community of friends that one could only be so lucky to have; yeah life was easy breezy covergirl living for me.
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