Friday, March 26, 2010

What a difference 60 days make

I feel so out of the loop as I haven't blogged in F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! Alas, there is a good reason as to why as I've been super busy with LIFE! I moved to PA from CA around 60 days ago and dang, things are just moving along at lightening pace.

I FINALLY landed a job and its an amazing career coup for me. I'm joining Korn Ferry as a Senior Consultant within their Life Sciences practice working directly for a Partner in NYC. So...basically a plumb job for me and one that I'm truly grateful for; granted I'll be working 24/7 and stressed out most of the time, but that's where my yoga, meetings, friends and - yes, now I dare even say this - boyfriend - will come into my life and keep me balanced. So, moving to the next topic, boyfriend. Yup, less than two months and I'm smitten. I didn't think I'd even find someone that I'd want to see more than once, let alone ALL the time, who'd ya thunk? I think cupid struck and the universe felt I was ready to take it! If I had to list all the adjectives to describe Mr. X I probably would have to blog onto page 2, but, in a nutshell; Kind, Smart, Funny, Cute, Spiritual, Hard working, Moral, Loving, Tender, Sweet, Affectionate, Open, Sober, Motivated, Laid back, Secure, Confident, Sexy, Great musical taste and he gets me! There, no more really needs to be said on that matter.

Mom is doing pretty good actually, however, I have seen her decline a bit just in the last 60 days. At least she's not in any physical pain and she isn't aware of her decline; for the time being. We'll see how that progresses in the coming weeks....Lucy and I are just so happy that Spring has sprung! Yeah....she's obsessed with squirrels, birds, chipmunks and any other rodents that seem to scurry about outside. She can sit for hours gazing out the window and daydreaming that some day she will actually catch one of these varments, lord knows what the hell she will do with it; but for now, she loves to run and chase them up trees and I take such joy in watching her do so. The love of a dog is so perfect and the fact that I actually wonder about her happiness freaks me out on a daily basis; but I take some respite in knowing that other dog owners also feel the same way and its not just koo koo me!

Ahhh.....the end of a very mindless week and I am blessed to have a icky sinus infection which has had me hacking up parts of my lung and intestines that I never knew I had. I actually vomited last night during one of my coughing attacks! I mean, WTF? Never heard of that

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Another Birthday, another day.....

Thank god another Birthday is OVER. The older I get the more I realize how I don't like celebrating my Birthday. Last Wednesday March 10, was my natal birthday and again, just another day. It's amazing to me that so many of my peers relish their Birthdays and enjoy going out to celebrate them with zeal. After reaching the age of 40, as a women, I really feel no need to celebrate the fact that I'm getting older. I have mother nature and gravity to remind me of that on a daily basis. This isn't to say of course that I don't have nice Birthday celebrations, because normally they are a lot of fun and I'm able to have a nice time with whomever I'm celebrating with.

Over the past few years I was lucky enough to have a great group of friends back in San Diego that would get together and we'd do a brunch or dinner and just laugh and celebrate life! Most of my friends in California are younger than me, so my age factor never really came up. But now that I'm living back home on the East Coast, I was able to celebrate my Natal day with my family - which is fine, but the process of the celebration I felt just made me feel "older". But hey, such is life. I was also even lucky to be able to go out on a date on my actual Birthday and it wasn't a flop, so that too is a bonus. So far.

All I know is that as soon as St. Patty's day comes around, I'm just glad to be able to say, Thank God that Birthday is over....and just stay in my safe place of being in my "early 40s".

Friday, March 5, 2010

Living in the Moment

I don't know about you, but if you are anything like me you find it rather difficult to live in the moment. One day at a time! Carpe Diem! All we have is the Present! and all that jazz. I know for me, living each day as it comes is one of the hardest lessons I've learned in life. I'm a planner. My family nicknamed me "Nanner the Planner." Seriously!

When people used to come visit me in San Diego, I would type out a 4-5 day itinerary for each day complete with times, places to be, directions to get there, MUST SEE things to do! It was no joke. In the last five years or so, I've been trying to learn to live one day at a time more and not live in the past or project out into the future. But shit, that's freakin hard to do. How do you not stress about retirement when you can't even get a job in this economy right now? Seriously, explain that to me. Am I to rely on my government to take care of me in 40 years when I'm old and brittle and broke? I would rather invest my money in UFOs than our Government right now.

Have you ever just lived each day and not worried about how you would be able to pay your bills on time? It's hard to just move throughout your day tackling each task as it comes along. The last couple of years have taught how to live in the moment more. I find myself doing it, even if it's maybe just a few hours each day, and sometimes that's enough. I can focus entirely on walking my dog and what is making her happy at that moment. Is it the squirrel that scurries along the walkway as we both race towards it? Is she happy in her own little doggie neighborhood? Does she think about Springtime? Is she happy I moved her 3,000 miles away? I seriously think about stuff like that for my dog. I think that in of itself deserves its very own blog, but for now, we'll just get back to living in the moment.

I find my mind races all the time about, how am I going to be able to handle this? How will I make my car payment by the 15th? How are we going to care for my ailing mother when she gets worse and doesn't remember anyone? What am I to do when my dog gets sick and needs to go to the Vet, how will I pay for that? How, how, how???

Lately I've been thinking about the past more, and it could be because I've moved back home after a ten year hiatus out West. Some of my memories from years past have come back and most of them I don't like. For me being back in my hometown reminds me of how much I still haven't done yet; or moreso that I haven't achieved anything substantial in "society's eyes". Not having bought a home, been married, had children -- none of those life changing events have happened to me. Maybe its because I'm turning another 40something age in the next few days and the proverbial "What have I done with my life?" question is resting so heavy on my mind. I am sure most people ponder their life more when they have a Birthday coming up. On the plus side, when I do look at my life - I do see life changing events that have occurred for me. Getting sober is probably the most significant; that has changed my life dramatically. I stopped making really stupid bad decisions for one, now I just make bad decisions less. Having Lucy has been my 2nd biggest event - to date so far - and now moving back East after many years out West is coming in as a close 3rd big event....I'm looking forward to seeing what life has in store for me ...what will the 4th big event be? But for now all I can do is trudge along, and live each day as it the moment.