Sunday, August 19, 2012

Missing Momma....

Its serendipitous that the last time I came on here to blog was April 11, unbeknown st to me my Mom passed away the following evening on April 12.  Its been a  l o n g few months and bittersweet seems like an apropos word to sum it all up.  Mom's heart sadly gave out that fateful evening, and as much as we all knew she was going downhill fast, I think the shock of it has still left its mark on us all.  She would have been 70 on August 3, and just last weekend we scattered her ashes in the Atlantic Ocean at her favorite vacation spot, Avalon.  Mom would have been so proud of us all as we have been able to honor her memory with grace, dignity and most importantly a little bit of humor.  She's up there smiling down on us all playing scrabble, chewing gum and telling us "Good job, Good job." 

As far as life in other areas, its just going along s l o w l y - but yes its going along.  I feel like its been a very long summer, and we aren't even done with it yet.  Probably because I'm patiently awaiting our big vacay to Costa Rica in September and have been counting down the days until I need to say "Muoy Bueno"! This will be our first real vacation as a married couple, not counting our 3 day mini-moon to the Grand Canyon, this is a REAL excursion with tours, hotels and a new unexplored country just waiting our arrival.  Of course I'm worrying like a Jewish grandmother about the rain, the roads, the bugs, the tours, the wildlife and everything else in between! We decided to rent a car vs having transfers and my husband couldn't be more excited.  A 4WD vehicle in a land where roads are dirt and signage is sparse! Oh lucky me! Lets just hope common sense decides to show up that day!

I'm writing this on a day where I'm feeling truly grateful for where my life is today as I'm very content with everything that is going on, not super happy - but not super irritated.  which for me is a miracle! I've started re-reading "Don't sweat the small stuff" and its been a huge help, as well as attending my normal 12 step meetings that I go to -- life is exactly how it should be .... for today.  Stay tuned for the Costa Rica Blog...I'm sure I'll have  a few fun stories to tell...or not!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Writers, and stuff I love!

I'm one of those people that gets super excited when I discover a new writer. Like you know when you find $10 in your jeans pocket from last week excited? Or when you realize the SEPTA train conductor didn't come and get your fare ticket excited? Or when you find a $300 handbag for $75 at TJ Maxx excited? Or when you come home from work and your husband has made dinner for you excited? (well, no that rarely happens), but, no, my writer excitement is better than any of that. My writer excitement is like getting a big refund from the IRS excitement (which by the way hasn't happened to me EVER - I'm a horrible money manager!)

Anywho, I'm mid-way through my latest writer discovery book of "The Middle Place" by Kelly Corrigan. Kelly hails from Radnor, PA - even better - a local! Ironically I was turned on to Kelly by my 18 year old niece Katie who sent me a snippet of Kelly from YouTube where she had read her piece Transcending Words on Women and Strength - circa Dec 2008. I started crying when I listened to her share the story she wrote. She stared out speaking about her Mom and her Mom's group of friends called "The Pigeons" and how they'd summer in Avalon, drink their Chardonnay, play bridge and tennis and vowed they were friends for life. It reminded me of my Mom and her "Golden Girls" group of friends. Thats what we (my brother, sister and me) called my Mom's friends. A bunch of divorced women who were as tight knit as a Fair Isle sweater. It made me cry so much I had to stop listening to it. Its taken me a week to go back and google Kelly's YouTube snippet again and I finally listened to it from start to finish. I still cried. It made me want to call Kelly, light a cigarette and gab with her about my Mom's group of friends and how amazing they are, and how they too had a shore house every summer in Avalon for 20 years, and how they too played Bridge every other Tuesday evening and tennis on the weekends .... and I wanted to tell her how much I miss my Mom and how much I wish I could have 10 more minutes with her - as I remember her. I'd tell her what an amazing Mom she was to us and how I'm forever in her debt for all she taught me and tell her how I think of her every day and how when I look at pictures of her I realize how beautiful she is.

The past couple of weeks have been challenging with Mom's sharp decline. It happened so quickly and so suddenly that there was no time to tell her, not that she would have understood, but at least she knew who I was 3 weeks ago. Today she is living in slow motion and barely surviving. She needs assitance with all everyday functions; eating, walking, speaking..and yes even smiling. I read an article today on Yahoo that said Dementia is going to triple by 2050, I can only hope that God spares me from the disease, as living through it now with Mom is hard enough, I can't imagine having a repeat performance in the years to come. All I know is I miss my Mom and nothing can take that pain away...not even finding a new and amazing writer, but it sure eases the pain. Thank You Kelly.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Old friends....

I had dinner last week with two old friends of mine. Friends that make me feel old. I've known them for 20 years. I'm 45, one of them is 56 and the other one is 62. These two women were my colleagues circa 1992 when we all worked for one of the early corporate paper company's that hung a shingle in the then newly minted area of the region; Chesterbrook. Is it me or do you still drive through Chesterbrook and remember when it was the fresh cookie cutter neighborhood just a stone's throw from the Main Line? I definitely should know Chesterbrook as it was my home for a very long time. I lived in 3 different villages spanning over 25 years.

As I was having dinner with Bettie and Colleen, I couldn't help but remember our early years together. Bettie was the company Receptionist, Colleen was the Executive Secretary to the CEO and I - back then - was a Secretary to the Finance division. We forged a strong bond over happy hours and lunch room gathering yak fests. Bettie and Colleen were more than friends -- they were my big sister, my pseudo Mother (when needed) and my early career mentors. I was farily young then, 25ish, and I hadn't had a lot of exposure to corporate America. I was also in my hey dey of my partying. However, they weren't privy to my after work life. Of course, now they know all the dirty and sordid tales, and they are ever so supportive of my current clean lifestyle.

But having dinner with them and reminiscing about our lives through the years between marriages, divorces, kids off to college, family members dying, and marriages again. I was struck by how lucky I am to have such great friends and for so long. Its hard to make new friends when you are older. I know that since I've moved back home I can count my "new" friends on one hand, and that's not counting my thumb. I then started thinking how many "old" friendships I do have and how the older I get, the more they mean to me. I have one friend I met when I was 5. 40 years of friendship and going strong. She and her husband flew to Vegas for my nupitals last October! True blue friend. I have another friend whom I've shared more ups and downs with than a see-saw since 9th grade! That's 32 years! (I'm very amazed I'm not using my iPhone to calculate through the years!). And these women knew me at my worst, and they are still my friends! Shocking! Then I have my nuevo SoCal friends, 7 women who saw me go through the grueling process of getting sober and staying sober! That is definitely worth another blog in itself.

All in all, I am TRULY blessed with all of my amazing friends...not to mention the ones I've made through the years and have re-connected with. You know, the 562 via Facebook!(Gina, that's your plug!)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Back to Blog

Yes, its official I realized that me having writers block for the past 20 months or so is not serving me well. I was very well entrenched into blogging each and every morsel of my life for quite some time, and loved sharing about what was happening ...then.... Then life happened and blogging became such a time suck for me. However, I'm in transition mode right now and blogging seems to be very much needed. Besides the fact that I'm sitting at my desk in the City working, and now clearly blogging, I think I've lost all sense of "Whats important right now". Work has been more of a filler for me the past couple months with aggravating clients, a demanding boss and very social co-workers - I'm barely able to really get my real work done. It leaves no time for blogging and facebooking! Let alone Words with Friends!

In other areas, life is full. Friends, family, Mom, 12 step stuff, Lucy, Liam and the BRAVO network all has me quite busy. The picture is from two summers ago with Mom in Avalon and my sister, nieces, cousins and Aunt were all in tow. Good reminds me of the more precious memories! Mom is quite sick, and getting sicker, but having such great family and friends makes it all the more bearable.

More later as I realize I DO have to get back to work and earn a true wage!