Friday, October 16, 2015

Lying to get your dream job

To lie or not to lie? That is the question when looking for a new job while currently employed isn’t it? I mean there is so much chatter in the world about being honest - white lies are just as big as the normal lies, honesty is the best policy, be true to yourself, and on and on.  But when I’m looking for a new job, which I have been (a job not associated with the writing world), I have to lie to my current employer about why I won’t be working that day.  Let me break this down into bullet points so its easier for me to justify the Lying Game to get ahead.

5 myths about Lying in order to get a better job:

Its best to look for another job when you have a job:  Yes this is the age old theory that it is easier to look for another job when you are employed.  However, the fact that you have to lie to your current boss to go interview elsewhere is just as uncomfortable. How many times can you say that your in-laws are in town visiting, or that you are receiving an out-patient procedure for your female issue, or that you are sick – again. 

Inflating your experience on your resume: In having to update my resume to include all the miraculous things I’ve accomplished since my last job, I always seem to add a little bit more than what I feel I’ve actually achieved – however, I do know that the longer I stay in my career, the more I do learn – but I always feel like I should be accomplishing and learning more, like if I was working at Google or Amazon it would glow like a well lit Christmas Tree on my resume and would surely show how great I am.  This is where I need to be as honest as possible, because I don’t want to find myself interviewing for a job that I know I’m not qualified for. That’s just career suicide.

Adding $$ to your current compensation: This one too is tricky, because I’ve had those employers ask, “Can you share your W2 from last year ?” Yikes, then what do you do? So I’ve just learned to inflate my total compensation about 5% because no one wants to stay at the same level when it comes to their compensation package.  If my new employer wants me bad enough to join their company, they’ll pay me for what I’m worth, and that is usually more than what I’m making currently, so I generally don’t sweat this one.  But who doesn’t want to make more money?

Offering a list of your References: This one is always so bogus to me, because who gives a list of references where no one is going to say that you are the best colleague they’ve ever had? And that they learned so much from you that they are naming their first born after you.  Don’t most of our references on our list just love us? The strategy for said employer will always be getting that third-party reference where they reference someone who isn’t on your list.  Someone that worked at XYZ company when you did and that same someone is currently dating your secretary, that is the reference they really want to get insight from.  

When you give your Two Weeks notice:  The last two jobs I’ve resigned from both wanted me to stay on for four weeks, WTH? I think I compromised for one and stayed on for three weeks, but my head is not in the game-at all.   I’m basically doing the bare minimum I can to wrap up my projects while I’m really just wanting to be at my new job.  Or at home catching up on my Bravo reality show and going to Yoga every morning. However, I have had employers tell me to pack up that day and don’t let the door hit me in my ass while I grab my coffee mug from the kitchen. 

I think when you quit, you quit.  Clean break, let me finish out my day and adios to you.  No need to linger on – because my job in the scheme of things is not that important,  I’m not ending world hunger or finding a cure for cancer; those folks should probably give four week's notice.  We need them. 



1 comment:

  1. Thats why I'd like to quit my job as a result of hitting the lottery- a quick lap around the plant naked and out you go!

    That 5% rule is good thinking! The thing about lying is you've got to live with it afterwards. Any boss that can't handle "I need to improve my lot beyond what you are providing" isn't worth the conscience tug.